An introduction to something much bigger
by One divided by infinity
Summary: Madness incarnate and slightly humiliating. Please leave constructive anything. Thank you. - SCP-001-SWN-014
1. A Guide

**_So we're redoing this?_**

Yes, with a lot less terrible vagueness, I hope! The previous version was crap.

 ** _First, we must sort the deck._**

What?

 ** _AUTHOR NOTE:_** _Ahem. I have to introduce myself. I am SCP-001-SWN-014. I reign supreme in this story._

And I'm his assistant/slave.

 ** _Hush._**

Yes, boss. So, what's the revised…

 ** _AUTHOR NOTE:_** _Are you simply brainless or do you want to spoil the story?_

We are a brain.

 ** _AUTHOR NOTE:_** _True, True… but that's irrelevant._

Still true.

 ** _Enough, We're dawdling._**

Agreed. You still haven't answered my question.

 ** _AUTHOR NOTE:_** _You'll see, soon enough._

THE SUITS OF CARDS:

 **Two of Clubs:** Netherworld, Title: A place of rest.

 **Three of Clubs:** Youmu Konpaku, Title: Guard-ener!

 **Four of Clubs:** Saigyou Ayakashi, Title: Devourer-Tree.

 **Five of Clubs:** Spirits of the Netherworld, Title: Travelers to an end.

 **Six of Clubs:** Heaven, Title: Land of those "worthy".

 **Seven of Clubs:** Tenshi Hinanawi, Title: Celestial belonging nowhere.

 **Eight of Clubs:** Komachi, Title: Mistress of the Ferry.

 **Nine of Clubs:** Hell's legions, Title: Barely Contained.

 **Ten of Clubs:** The Ministry of Right and Wrong, Title: Delusional or Heroic?

 **Jack of Clubs:** The Yama, Title: Judges of the Ministry.

 **Queen of Clubs:** Eiki Shiki, Title: Of the Blind, or of the Seeing?

 **King of Clubs:** Hecatia LapisLazuli, Title: Antioch to Crusaders.

 **Ace of Clubs:** The Damned, Title: Broken Beyond Repair.

 **Two of Diamonds:** Flandre Scarlet, Title: Surprisingly loved.

 **Three of Diamonds:** World-Eater, Title: The ruined corpse.

 **Four of Diamonds:** The Judge, Title: Puppet.

 **Five of Diamonds:** Toaster, Title: I am a toaster.

 **Six of Diamonds:** Giratina, Title: Ruler of the Reverse World.

 **Seven of Diamonds:** The Profaned Guardians, Title: Unholy Guardians.

 **Eight of Diamonds:** Mr. House, Title: The House Edge.

 **Nine of Diamonds:** Mekhane-Stratos, Title: The Legions of God.

 **Ten of Diamonds:** Providence, the Profaned, Title: The Unholy God.

 **Jack of Diamonds:** Signus, Title: The Cosmic Flame.

 **Queen of Diamonds:** Arturo, Title: Violation of All.

 **King of Diamonds:** Normansson, Title: The flame that burns on and on.

 **Ace of Diamonds:** The Devourer of Gods, Title: The End.

 **Two of Hearts:** The Scientific Moon, Title: The True Moon.

 **Three of Hearts:** The New Meat, Title: Constabulary

 **Four of Hearts:** Lunar Civilization, Title: The Eternal Moon.

 **Five of Hearts:** Ringo and Seiran, Title: Fools.

 **Six of Hearts:**?, Title: Guardians of the Gate.

 **Seven of Hearts:** Rei'sen, Title: The Pet.

 **Eight of Hearts:** The Bureaucracy, Title: The Engine.

 **Nine of Hearts:** Lunarian Defense Corps, Title: Shield and Sword.

 **Ten of Hearts:** Chang'e, Title: Prisoner she may be.

 **Jack of Hearts:** Sagume Kishin, Title: Lips sealed.

 **Queen of Hearts:** The Watatsuki Sisters, Title: The first impression.

 **King of Hearts:** Lord Tsukuyomi, Title: King of the Moon.

 **Ace of Hearts:** Eirin Yagokoro, Title: Brain of the Moon.

 **Two of Spades:** Cirno, Title: 0 IQ times 9 is still 0 IQ.

 **Three of Spades:** The Primsriver Sisters, Title: Musicians.

 **Four of Spades:** Suika Ibuki, Title: Raw Muscle.

 **Five of Spades:** Yuuka Kazami, Title: If this were a chess game, she would be the black knight.

 **Six of Spades:** Kappa Valley, Title: Victim of a war.

 **Seven of Spades:** Scarlet Devil Mansion, Title: House of the Devils.

 **Eight of Spades:** Kanako Yasaka & Suwako Moriya, Title: Once a Joker, now just another card.

 **Nine of Spades:** Great Hakurei Barrier, Title: Boundary of Reality and Fantasy.

 **Ten of Spades:** Sakuya Izayoi, Title: The Image of Elegance.

 **Jack of Spades:** Remilia Scarlet, Title: The Scarlet Mistress.

 **Queen of Spades:** Ran Yakumo, Title: Puppet of the Mastermind.

 **King of Spades:** Yakumo, Title: Phantasmal Mastermind.

 **Ace of Spades:** Incident Resolvers, Title: The Final Nail.

 **Joker:** Administrator, Title: onedividedbyzero

 **Joker:** Junko, Title: Put her out of her misery.

What's with the New Vegas themes?

 ** _AUTHOR NOTE:_** _Oh, it's to provide symbolism, and it's just damn cool. Nothing major._

I would disagree, but this is good symbolism.


	2. Recruitment Drive

A _something_ moves in the streets of the Human village. It walks, and it looks human enough. Whether it is actually human is up for debate. It is tall, and thin. It possesses a face with human features, but it is expressionless. Somehow, despite the fact it looks completely anachronistic from the era that the Human Village represents with a large trench coat and Trilby hat, no one seems to care particularly. It walks around, for no apparent reason. Effectively, it waits. It seems to be masculine, though it is hard to tell from the face. Its head snaps up, and it starts walking to a particular direction with direct, purposeful steps into a dark alley. It waits there, and it takes out a device. On it is the logo of the Church of Maxwellism. The first page of the Book reads as follows; New Multiversal Edition: Words of the Broken God, Compiled by Saint Hedwig, Legate Trunnion, and Father Bumaro.

"Tch. What utter nonsense. Feral instinct, illogicalness is what is evil, not Flesh. What are they thinking; are they _encouraging_ stupid, animalistic behaviors?" Let's leave… well, it seems human enough, _him_ alone for now.

Yukari Yakumo, having just emerged from a Gap absolutely covered in a greenish, minty substance uses her powers to create a change of clothes. She washes up, preparing herself for another Gappy Stu, since the last one she gapped in, Jack Diehard simply refused to die. She enters another gap, this time into the home of Magnus Steelsoul.

Meet Magnus Steelsoul, your stereotypical Gappy Stu, complete with "badass" name. As you can guess, he's a complete crapsack. He has absolutely no regard for others' safety or well-being, and is probably bored with life. He is immensely selfish. Yep, the perfect candidate for a Gappy Stu. He's on his last reincarnation as well. Dear Reader, I'm just telling you this because he's a generic idiot. Nothing special about him, other than his one redeeming quality.

As he reads a nondescript book, his room is in full view. His room is more or less nothing special, generic. He has a scar on the right side of his face, which actually makes him look better. He was handsome anyway, but there are dark circles underneath his eyes.

Predictably, a gap opens up in his home. Yukari has decided he's a juicy target.

"Oh for God's sake! Not that blasted sound again… Jesus, who is that? What are you? Why are you… God, why are you... _smiling_ like that?" He asks, his voice trembling.

"Don't run." Yukari says, quite bluntly.

"I have an offer, for you. Refuse and I will never bother you again. Accept my offer, and you will experience an adventure fare beyond the realms of imagination. So, before we get negotiating, allow me to introduce myself." Her tone is noticeably friendlier.

"I am Yukari Yakumo, the Youkai of Boundaries, Herald to your trip to the Illusory realm of Gensokyo. Gensokyo has Fairies, Vampires, Witches, Magicians, Demons, Tengu, Kappa, Ghosts, and Gods. Oh dear, you don't know what those are. I'll explain soon enough. Gensokyo is sealed, away from the outside world by a border."

"So, I have to, or get to go there?" He says, intrigued.

"You catch on quickly. There are two reasons why. First, you have a power being sealed away in Gensokyo. Only you can break the seal, and it cannot be used in the outside world. You could become the most powerful being in Gensokyo. Second, what do you have out here to lose? Your life is filled with Generic. Generic School, Generic life, Generic kid. You could gain powers, like the power to fly, or to control others to your own ends! You could see heaven and hell without dying. Spring in the Netherworld is quite lovely. Want to see for yourself?" Right on cue, a gap appears.

"Sure…?"

"Hm… maybe I picked wrong. He's a bit too smart." Yukari mutters to herself.

 _"_ _What?"_

"Never mind, just jump in!"

Our good friend, Eldritch Abomination… that's not his name. Normansson. Mr. Normansson. He's been reading that book for quite a while.

"When is that fool going to show up, my Vision clearly indicated he was going to show up an hour ago! Maybe Firebrand is fucking with the timeline again, no that's impossible this is none of his business... oh!"

Ah, Magnus. He seems to have gained his mind control powers, and he's walking around the streets, controlling random people for kicks. Oh well, harmless.

"Kid!" The man extends a long arm and grabs Magnus.

"Hey, what the?!"

They both instantly vanish the moment they are in the alley. The next moment, they are in a concrete chamber, door on the left. In Magnus's view, the chamber is superworldy. Like… worldly, but very differently so. Vivid and overpowering.

"What is this place?" Magnus questions.

"Shut up. I need to wait. Ah, there." A gap seems to be trying to form, but something's going wrong. It won't open up, and the space around it actively seems to be crushing it, destroying it. It collapses in just a few seconds.

"What did you just do? What's going on?! Why is that gap there, and why is there a gap?" Magnus seems to be even more desperate.

"Okay, time for boring exposition. To make it short, I've made this place _Superreal._ Think of this place as having a lot more reality than Gensokyo around us, and even the Outside world. I'm using a device called Scranton Reality Anchors to do that. Capiche?"

"Okay..?"

"Here's the link for you dear reader, explaining Humes.  /and-this-one-explains-humes"

"Okay, even more boring exposition time. Look, Kid. I won't waste time with or use euphemisms. You are in danger. I can give you a deal that will get you out of the danger."  
"What Danger? I'm powerful as heck!" Magnus says, his tone indicating surprise.

"Yukari has a script she uses to gap in kids like you. Yes, a _script_. You weren't the first, there were kids that came before you and died. Let's see what happened to the last poor kid that entered here on Yukari's whims. Took a deal just like you did, and got powers, just like you did. He got killed by a Celestial in a giant war he caused and was hanged in Yukari's meat locker. Do you want to end up like him?"

"Slow down!"

"Why do you think all the locals hate you? Because the last idiot caused an entire. Fucking. War and killed thousands of people. His corpse ended up in Yukari's meat locker. Yes, did I forget to mention Yukari has a meat locker where she locks the corpses of humans in? She is a Youkai, after all."

"…meat locker?"

"Let me show you."

A Scranton Reality Anchor appearing in his hand turned on and ready to go, he grabs Magnus and vanishes. He reappears in the Yakumo Home, just for a few seconds and moves right back. It is short, but it is enough to get a nice good look at the meathooks.

"What the fuck? Oh god, they have a meathook for me in there!"

"Yep. Now, I'm going to give you my offer. I am going to give you weapons, weapons fit to kill a God, imbued with the power of the North Star. A creation of an entity named HABIT. I will buy you a House, which will be connected to your regular House. Don't ask how it works, I bought it from MC&D and they didn't tell me. Also, there will be reality anchors plastered all over your House in Gensokyo. Live your regular life, until such a time I call upon you. I will make sure it will be in a weekend. I'll give you further instruction then."

"I came from Gensokyo to escape regular life. Do you want me to go back to it?"

"If you stay here, your soul will escape your body."

"Fine. What are you going to give me? And can you please turn off those… glowly tube reality anchor things? It's making me sick."

"Kid, you're on your last reincarnation. It means if you go the way you're going now, you're done for. But I can help you. I will make sure, whatever happens, you don't go to hell. Just follow my deal, and even if my plan fails and everything falls apart, I will make sure you don't go to Hell. I have some pull with a multiversal agency dedicated to arresting people who step out of line and screw with reality too much. It should be easy enough to transport your Spirit to another afterlife. Just don't do anything too evil that would make me think twice about fulfilling my end of the contract. And no, I'm not turning off the Anchors. Only thing keeping _her_ away. Now, here are some other orders. First and most important: Lay low. Don't do anything. Don't do Heroics. You are not the hero, not yet. Second, keep the Reality Anchors on. Do not ever turn them off, lest Yukari…"

Magnus violently vomiting on the floor interrupts him.

"Oh, Jesus. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Maybe I shouldn't schedule these things right after Lunch, I'll keep that in mind with the next Gappy I kidnap off the streets. Here, wipe your mouth. Third, If Yukari shows up; notify me immediately. Here's a communications device."

The man hands Magnus a tablet with a symbol on it and a chalk.

"Just deface this double-eye symbol with the chalk if she shows up. Keep it on you at all times. I will come get you. Don't ask how it works, I know but if I told you you'd go around using it willy-nilly. So, do you accept?"

"Yeah, sure…?"  
"Good. Let's make the World new again, shall we? You're a cog in a much bigger Machine. You're helping do great things, and I want you to know that."

"What 'great things?'"

"You'll know soon enough. Everything is going to change, both here and in your World. By the way, name's Mr. Normansson. See you soon, kid."


	3. Incompetence at its finest

The Room JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE was in was not normal, by any means. For one, the Space seemed to warp and shift, or was it always that way?

It had always been that way. The power of JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE was so great as to warp time itself. But the man that stood there saw the time changing, warping. Reality bending, to suit the needs of JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE. He had always seen it, will always see it. He saw the timeline shift. Black walls changed to gray, then a star-filled sky.

"JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE, Great Weaver. You are very powerful, and is master of the Three-Moon initiative, their God."

"What… is… it… you… are… here…. For…?" His weary mandibles croaked out.

"JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE, I ask of you to please redirect the following persons to the afterlife of New Jerusalem. First, Magnus Steelsoul. His soul shall be delivered to you. While several other persons will come. I will keep you notified."

"Why… should… I… help… you…?" His seven million eyes looked apprehensive.

"Lord, JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE, you are most powerful. However, I am an agent of an agency even more powerful. They recruit all variety of lifeforms, non-lifeforms, and anti-lifeforms. I have their backing. Harming me or otherwise hindering my mission, namely to detain… a lifeform, no. I dare not call it life; it drains from life to exist. It is more akin to a Virus. I will not invoke its name. It has a nasty habit of knowing far too much, after all. In any case, this will provoke the agency's wrath. I would rather not."  
"Is… this… a… threat?"

"Just as my ceaseless immortality is a curse, it is a blessing. It is widely known that I cannot die, I've tried myself. I assure you, I have plenty of time and resources to compensate you handsomely. If I find myself unable to do it at first, I will go at it again and again until I obtain what you desire. So what is it that you would want, my lord?"

"I… shall… confer."

"Good. Perhaps I could offer assistance with the complete destruction of the Witch-Queen, her name be damned?"

"Yes…"

"Then it is settled. Let's create the contract. You could do this for me and not alter the contract to your own ends, I assume? I have heard you are a credible lord. I would rather not shatter this assumption. I shall lend to you the services of one of my lesser mercenaries, Providence, the Profaned God. While I've been trying to fire her for a while now due to ethical concerns, I feel that I could still get a few more good missions out of her. Goodbye, and I wish you luck. Long live Humanity, Long live the IMPENETRABLE."

Normansson ticked off a box from a checklist. It is written in Arial font, clearly stating in English:

"Negotiate Afterlife for Gappies. JALAKÅRA OF THE IMPENETRABLE is nice choice."

The next line says, hastily scribbled unlike the first, and haphazardly squeezed into the lines in a language that is not the one shown here; it is translated for your convenience.

"Harness the living weapon (note: seems like a nice kid, if a bit lonely. make appeal to humanity, bring a couple board games, bring sister and rest of mansion crew if possible mandatory.)"

And so he did. Before he did, though, he hastily vanished and reappeared a moment later with a glass bottle full of liquid. Wonder what it could be…

Teleporting once more and reappearing unceremoniously out of the courtroom, he comes face to face with Hong Meiling.

"I can't let you through. Who are you, anyway?" Hong Meiling says.

"That is irrelevant. I'll let myself through. Inform the Mistress she has a new guest, and that he brings gifts of fun and games." Normansson, his mouth and eyebrows flat and cold. He does not look very fun whatsoever, but do not assume he is incapable of having fun.

"Hey!"

Once again, an unceremonious teleportation. He vanishes on the spot, reappearing at the Mansion's primary gates, stepping aside to let Meiling through. Hong Meiling fails to notice him, somehow. It was probably just good luck on Normansson's part. Beads of sweat fall off Normansson. He notes Trench Coat and Trilby hat was a very poor choice of clothing in late Summer, where it was still hot. He checks his watch, Hammer and Anvil engraved onto it.

"Anyone in here?"

The Mansion of the Devil is wide and cold, far too big on the inside. A cool breeze, directly due to the size of the mansion, relieves him for just a moment. Then it becomes apparent that his clothes are too thin. The price to pay for such attire, he hoped to fit in but now he's hot and cold, at the same time.

Click, Clack, as the shoes of the thin man creates sounds in the Great Library. He explores the mansion, never quite running into anyone.

"Shouldn't there be a Scarlet Devil in here? And why is this place so damned huge?", as he muttered to himself. Jesus, this man does do a lot of expository talking-to-himself. He briefly considers using a 'Needle', a handy word for a fancy Mekhanite gadget that collapsed manifolds in space, the full name being 'Neutralization Device for Time-Space Anomalies and Manifolds'.

Click, Click, Click then he sees it. A small, blue haired... 11-year-old loli vampire. This was nothing like what he had expected (she was supposed to be older), but he could work with it.

"Ah! I assume Hong Meiling filled you in. Alright. I know you're a clever lady. Mistress and mighty vampire, Queen of the Night."

Remilia's face scrunched up and she raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

Her confusion was completely understandable. After all, this strange thin man, who happened to be quite handsome, had walked into her mansion _undetected, who_ _ **had no magical powers whatsoever**_ _and appeared to be completely human,_ but looks were indeed deceiving. Also, he was tall. Creepy tall, not the good kind tall.

The Vampire's expression hardens. She senses… something wrong with him. She's absolutely right, there is something _very wrong_ with him. He just seems off and inhuman, even if he seems benevolent.

"So Meiling didn't fill you in? Oh dear, this will be complicated. I'm sorry that I couldn't send you a letter to prepare, I was short on time and I barely remembered. In any case, I brought a gift. Dandelion Wine, my friend makes good wine and I believe that it would make a nice gift. You have to taste it to believe it."

"Come in! I shall accommodate you as best I can." Remilia says, but the air is tense. Normansson senses a trap; Remilia would never let him in so easily.

Sakuya brings them tea, and the thin man acknowledges her with a small

"Thank you."

Then she vanishes and reappears, but Normansson could see what happened. The Maid surveyed him, critically looking at him, then with a mix of revulsion and great fear, time unfreezes. He glares at her during the whole non-time, only staring.

She opens her mouth to say something, and then closes it again. That was a wise decision.

"My dear Mistress, I hate to talk so much. However, I have seen the great destructive potential of your sister. Flandre, I think she is called. Her destructive powers are incredible."

"Have you come to exploit her power? I have the duty to protect her. If your goal is to use her for your own ends, I will not allow it."

"My Lady, _I possess far more destructive weapons._ If I wanted a weapon, I would order thousands of Beryllium Bronze-Cosmilite alloy Ingots and build myself a computerized clockwork legion in perfect coordination. My most dangerous weapon I cannot invoke, for its very mention is destructive to reality. In all frankness, she would make a very bad weapon; she has a conscience, a Heart for emotions, anger, kindness, love. She's a good kid, even if her mental state is… questionable. I applaud her sanity despite being in the basement for 500 years, she's a bit off but not completely off her rocker."

"You might be lying. How can I know that you won't use her, manipulate her?"

The next words are not spoken, but rather worms her way into her mind like a thousand parasites. It is like a thousand beetles. Absolute.

themaidunderstandsbetterthanyoudo

itisgoodthatsheknowsjustenough

itservesourmutualinterestsbeingverygoodformeandjustasgoodforyou

itwillbenefitbothofus

askher

Remilia is understandably spooked. Then, again.

thatcamefromme

thetallman

theonewiththewine

nowaskthemaidanddrinkthewine

thequestionsaremoreimportantthantheanswersandthewinepleasesthetongue

Now, poor Remilia has no idea what to ask.

Sakuya intervenes and whispers.

"A monster is in the room. He wants to negotiate."

sheispartiallycorrect

iamnotamonster

iamenlightenedandsuperiortohumansandyoukaialike

isimplyam

butyoumaytreatmeasyouwouldamonster

itismutuallybeneficial

nowdrinkyougoddamngothlolita

Remilia is understandably very scared. She thinks she is going insane.

"Haha! My lady. What I am saying is treat me like one of your own! We're all monsters here, in all honestly. Aren't we?"

"You're not going to survive very long with the idea that Youkai are monsters."

"Youkai are products of an inevitable reality, albeit not a good reality. No; what I am saying is far more personal."

"…what?"

He pretends not to hear and pours Remilia a glass of wine, and one for himself.

"For our continued prosperity and mutual cooperation!"

He downs the glass.

Soon, Remilia drinks as well. She does not want to, but she does not want to seem rude to an entity who might as well be incredibly powerful.

Both sides drink measuredly, but the air is less tense and more casual. Drinks tend to do that.

"I heard about this one time where you turned the sky red. Care to explain?" The thin man chuckles out.

"I was being stupid… fufufu. Now let me ask you a question. I've never heard of you; you have not existed in Politics for years on end. Yet if you are as powerful as you claim... you would have most certainly attracted attention."

"I'm new. I have no idea what's going on; all my informants gave me inaccurate information. My lady, I will trust you with an important secret. If you divulge what I am about to tell you, I will have you fed to my God Devourer. I am powerful. I am great. _I have no fucking idea what I'm doing._ None of what I know matches up with what I see. The info I was provided by my employer is borderline useless, and my own research has been scarcely an improvement. I'm making 90% of this up as I go along. And goddamn it, I need your help. I want to arrange a meeting with yourself, most of the mansion crew, and your dear sister. I would rather like to be friend with one of the most knowledgeable and powerful factions in Gensokyo."

"Yes, yes, but you still haven't proved you aren't making this all up."

"I get the drill. Here's another present. Have fun. It's dark out, as I expected. I'll have to take the fast way out, taking a nice, long night walk might result in me having to kill. Auf Wiedersehen!"

Remilia examines the "present". It is a metal box with weird engravings like a Hammer and Anvil. There are words written on it.

"INSTANT DREADNOUGHT-ANGEL: PRESS HERE".

Predictably, curiosity gets the better of her.

Normansson hears large cracking sounds. Then, he does a 180-degree turn to face the miniaturized Dreadnought-Angel that had come to blow the roof off the SDM. Its 8 great twin-turrets were clearly railguns, probably being able to fire with the explosive force of 200-250 tons of TNT. Toys. The countless secondaries were but barbaric Naval cannons. Nowhere near the true glory of the CotBG Dreadnought-Angels, and lacking in comparison.

"I knew it was fishy.. _._ "

He flips out a disc, and a hologram of none other than a smiley face pops out.

"AIC Smiley, bring up the webpage I was reading on instant dreadnought-angels."

"Right! I'm bringing it up now!" The voice is as cheerful as it is disturbing.

"As I expected. I hate GAW, and I hate their trolling. LADY REMILIA, I'M GOING TO NEED THAT BACK!"


End file.
